A mother's grief

TRUE STORY: Backbone regularly hears from women who are accused of being mentally unwell during Family Court proceedings when they raise genuine concerns for the safety of their children while in the care of the abuser. Sometimes these women are portrayed as ‘unfit mothers’ by their abusive ex partners and lose custody of their children.

Here, a victim-survivor shares her story of losing her children into the full-time care of her abuser. She experienced psychological, sexual and financial abuse from her ex-husband. She tells of her grief and pain at finding her life utterly distorted and her experiences of abuse minimised and not believed by those working in the Family Court. Although this story was written one year ago, this woman’s situation has not changed. She is still waiting for a hearing date to be set and has explained that the abuser’s continued lies about her to the court, have stopped proceedings from moving forward. 

Her story is titled ‘La Cloche’ - a term used to describe a bell-shaped cover, which can be made of glass, and is used to display items. ‘La cloche’ describes her feelings of being trapped and disconnected from the real world since the decision was made to remove her children from her care.

This story has been narrated by the Backbone Collective. Please click on the link below to play the recording.

La Cloche

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about the backbone collective

New Zealand has the highest rate of women experiencing violence and abuse in the developed world, which is due in part to our broken response system.

The Backbone Collective is an independent body taking action to change New Zealand's dire statistics by examining the response system through the eyes of its users - women who have experienced violence and abuse.

Please join us as either a woman who has experienced violence or abuse, or as a volunteer who wants to help by volunteering your time, services or expertise.

Many reports have been written about where the system is broken but they have fallen on deaf ears. We think that Government and others in a position of power will start listening when hundreds, and potentially thousands, of women speak up about what needs to change.